Improve Your Communication with Love Languages
Improve Your Communication with Love Languages
By: Briley Rakow
Building and maintaining relationships, romantic or otherwise, is a constant learning curve as you grow to understand the other person and their needs. One of the biggest elements of having a healthy relationship is having a mutual understanding of each other’s love languages. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, a love language is how each individual feels most comfortable giving and receiving affection.
Love languages were first developed by Dr. Gary Chapman in the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Based on years of counseling experience, Dr. Chapman created five styles of communicating love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. By learning about the different ways we can communicate our love, we can determine which style we are best at giving and which we are best at receiving. With this knowledge about yourself and the people in your life, you can better care for your relationships and communicate more effectively about your feelings.
People whose love language is words of affirmation need consistent verbal or written affirmation of care, meaning they feel the most loved in a relationship when they are told so frequently. Those who value physical touch, on the other hand, prefer to be shown love through physical means. Physical affection is not limited to romantic relationships; a simple hug for a friend or family member can go a long way in showing how you feel.
Quality time is a love language that focuses on intentional time spent with people in your life. To demonstrate love to those who value quality time, make sure you set aside focused time with them and keep your commitments to spending time with them. People who care most about acts of service appreciate little things that you do for them to show you are thinking of them. This could be as simple as opening the door for them or picking up a coffee for them on your morning drive. Though similar, receiving gifts is different from acts of service because it centers on thoughtful gifts rather than actions. Receiving gifts is not about the amount of money you spend, but about the thought you put into them that demonstrates your understanding of the person.
Just because your love language is one thing does not mean you will be good at giving that same quality to others. Some people who need words of affirmation are the worst at expressing their feelings to others, and this translates to each of the love languages. It is important to understand where your strengths in providing love to others is in order to better communicate with people in your life.
When you provide your love language to someone in your life, you may feel like you are meeting their emotional needs, but if their love language is completely different, they will likely still feel underappreciated. Because of this, discussing your love language with people in your life is the best way to ensure healthy growth.
If you are wondering what your love language is, there are several free tests available online. Feeling misunderstood in a relationship is very common, but it does not have to be your reality forever. Communication with people you are close to is the key to success in your life and relationships, so take time to learn more about your love language and see how it can improve your connections.
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